Just recently, I found myself in a tense situation where I faced a choice.
I sat in a small group with people of varying degrees of familiarity. A clear power dynamic was at play. One person emerged as the self-appointed leader, spouting not-so-subtle divisive, misogynistic, racist, viewpoints.
Chiming in on the chatter, some went along with the suffocating mood, energy, and tone set up by the leader. Others glanced away from the leader, took a sip of water, or caught my eye in a call for solidarity.
My place in the power dynamic situated me beside the leader. I voiced my distaste and objections. My remarks were tossed aside with a roll of the eyes, a chuckle, and an adept re-direct of the conversation. All too revealing responses when the truth is exposed. I would be OK. I wanted others to know I was NOT OK with the loudest voice in the room.
I have not been perfect in this speaking-up thing. Over my lifetime, I found myself in countless situations where my thoughts, my ideas, my creativity, and my body were not valued. When words and actions were crafted in ways that cloaked more sinister intentions. When I got that unsettled feeling in my stomach, when my face flushed, and my heartbeat quickened…when my mind and body were telling me I was in a toxic situation…when I felt like something was wrong with me for having such a visceral reaction. When I felt threatened, powerless, and alone. And I did not or could not speak up for myself or others.
Revisiting those moments sometimes keeps me up at night.
Enough.
I know now to listen to my body. When the stomach-churning blood-pulsing begins, I take a deep breath, return to the present moment, and recognize I am well equipped with the tools for understanding the intention and meaning behind words and actions. I sense when others need support and solidarity (that sip of water or glance in my direction). I speak up. And once I speak up, that unsettling feeling gives way to courage and clarity. Living with that uncomfortable feeling in the pit of my stomach for a moment is nothing, compared to living with the hollow awful feeling of being devalued and dehumanized because of where you fall in the power hierarchy.
We are living in fragile and high-stakes times. We have all witnessed the lasting damage done to individuals, families, teams, groups, minds, and hearts when the facts get distorted, pushed aside, or buried. If we sit beside someone in a position of power who disrespects, diminishes, or dismisses another human being but don’t speak up...we normalize those behaviors. We are complicit.
Instead, read the room. Even when it’s hard or uncomfortable. Because not everyone finds themselves in the physical or mental space where it is possible or safe for them to speak up. Normalizing divisive language and behavior suck the humanity out of all of us…regardless of where we find ourselves in the power dynamic.
If you need support and methods for finding your voice, reach out.
I get it.
Leadership and the power of empathy…
Got empathy? Apparently, it's trending. And it’s not just for actors anymore.
It is an actor's job to bring empathy to the stage and screen.
We are required to show up with the skills, willingness, and capacity to walk around in another's shoes. Fully imagining how a character moves through the world and bringing that role to life is one of the coolest and most exhilarating things about being an actor. Bringing empathy into the room is the least we are expected to do.
I will go out on a limb here and suggest it is the least our leaders ought to be expected to do too. More empathy makes us better humans. At work. At home. In life.
Click on the link for video tip on bringing more empathy to the table:
Sometimes there is no “right” answer.
Just different perspectives.
In the first few days of rehearsal with a new script, writers, actors, directors, designers, and staff come together for “table work.” It’s just that, sitting around a table before we get up on our feet. Each person brings their perspective, thoughts, and ideas, and we begin to hash out the story we are going to tell. Together. The room practically vibrates with energy and anticipation. Table work drives home the importance of collaboration and ensemble. It is one of my favorite things about being an actor.
In the first days and weeks of reopening your business or coming back to work post-pandemic, there will likely be new people, new roles, or new leadership at the table for those team meetings aka table reads. Many colleagues and clients will be carrying a load of differing thoughts, feelings, and perspectives into a new environment. Lots of changes. Lots of opportunities to bring everyone together.
When you choose to #BeCurious about another person’s point of view, you bring presence, empathy, and curiosity into the room. And you give others permission and space to do the same.
So...an authentic conversation happens. And perhaps a shift in thinking or a change for the better happens. Then a stronger team aka ensemble happens.
If the pandemic has taught me anything, it’s that in spite of physical distancing, we still yearn to connect. Each of us brings a different perspective to the story. Encourage, support and listen to your ensemble. That's when the magic happens.