Just recently, I found myself in a tense situation where I faced a choice.
I sat in a small group with people of varying degrees of familiarity. A clear power dynamic was at play. One person emerged as the self-appointed leader, spouting not-so-subtle divisive, misogynistic, racist, viewpoints.
Chiming in on the chatter, some went along with the suffocating mood, energy, and tone set up by the leader. Others glanced away from the leader, took a sip of water, or caught my eye in a call for solidarity.
My place in the power dynamic situated me beside the leader. I voiced my distaste and objections. My remarks were tossed aside with a roll of the eyes, a chuckle, and an adept re-direct of the conversation. All too revealing responses when the truth is exposed. I would be OK. I wanted others to know I was NOT OK with the loudest voice in the room.
I have not been perfect in this speaking-up thing. Over my lifetime, I found myself in countless situations where my thoughts, my ideas, my creativity, and my body were not valued. When words and actions were crafted in ways that cloaked more sinister intentions. When I got that unsettled feeling in my stomach, when my face flushed, and my heartbeat quickened…when my mind and body were telling me I was in a toxic situation…when I felt like something was wrong with me for having such a visceral reaction. When I felt threatened, powerless, and alone. And I did not or could not speak up for myself or others.
Revisiting those moments sometimes keeps me up at night.
Enough.
I know now to listen to my body. When the stomach-churning blood-pulsing begins, I take a deep breath, return to the present moment, and recognize I am well equipped with the tools for understanding the intention and meaning behind words and actions. I sense when others need support and solidarity (that sip of water or glance in my direction). I speak up. And once I speak up, that unsettling feeling gives way to courage and clarity. Living with that uncomfortable feeling in the pit of my stomach for a moment is nothing, compared to living with the hollow awful feeling of being devalued and dehumanized because of where you fall in the power hierarchy.
We are living in fragile and high-stakes times. We have all witnessed the lasting damage done to individuals, families, teams, groups, minds, and hearts when the facts get distorted, pushed aside, or buried. If we sit beside someone in a position of power who disrespects, diminishes, or dismisses another human being but don’t speak up...we normalize those behaviors. We are complicit.
Instead, read the room. Even when it’s hard or uncomfortable. Because not everyone finds themselves in the physical or mental space where it is possible or safe for them to speak up. Normalizing divisive language and behavior suck the humanity out of all of us…regardless of where we find ourselves in the power dynamic.
If you need support and methods for finding your voice, reach out.
I get it.
My favorite text of this day.
One of my college essay students sent me a text: “Julie, I got In!”
With her smarts and spirit she is going to make an incredible nurse.
I believe everyone has a story to tell. Stories connect us to each other. Stories have the power to transform our world.
Sometimes we all need a little help with #clarity so our story and message stand out in a sea of applicants.
I volunteer my time as a college essay writing mentor with Achieve Foundation of South Orange & Maplewood for MAC (Minority Achievement Scholars) at my teenagers high school. Because we can't just say we're an #ally. We need to show we're an #ally.
If you know anything about #collegeadmissions you know that differentiating yourself and what you bring to the table is essential. Just like in the business world.
I love what I do at Center Stage Connections.
This text made my day.
#collegeapplications #business #storytelling #writing #allyship